“Oh Jesus” Arrives in French Canada!
Skip to the end if you want the facts Or keep reading if you’re feeling readfull…
(to be read in anglicized “French Voice-Speak” a la mayor of wherever those last olympics were held)
”BOn Jour Tus Le Mond
Tu is Invit-eh ass le Spectacle de le “OH Jesus” (insert sound of totally fake interest)
Je Espair Q Too vas arriver Aaa Lee Spectacle sure le cette Vendredi, Martz le CINQ, a le KAFFE1870.
Les jeune de le mond tee reGArd MaintenAnt et le Canada Nes Pas come il eSt en Passer”
(to be read in the same crap-skill-level of the opposite language than that from above, in a more Celine accent)
“Allo Eve Rebody
You’s is all’s invites to de sho of dee “OH Jesus” (insert l’audio de l’interrest “fake”)
I Ope Dat Yous Will coming to the Sho, on da FriDAY, March Dee Five, At Dee KAFFE1870.
Dee Yut OF the Worl Watch Yous Now, AN Dee Canada be not the same as is it back then”
(to be read as a pair of commentators – reviewing the upcoming friday performance by Matt Ouimet)
-”Well it seems Ouimet has decided to try his luck with the long 45 minute program tonight “
-Yes Todd, It’s just MAgical isn’t it? one man… One Dream… One Hope….To Unite both Halves of his lineage…
-”you sure have a way with words don’t you Colleen? Here’s Ouimet Making a Move to the Mic”
-Ohh very disappointing start from his intricate starting position at the bar, a technically flaccid dismount from what should have been a shoe-in performance from Ouimet
-”well He’s only just begun and he has plenty of time to….. Oh No!!!!!! He fell doing a basic Cross-Over to the Guitar amp to turn it on… that is an automatic 3 poin/”
-T” Deduction from his Score.
-”don’t do that”
-what?
-”cut me off.”
-what do you mean?
-”don’t be coy asshat, You just Cut me off!”
-No I didn’t
-”yes you did”
-No I didn’t
-”yes you did”
-No I didn’t
-”Yes you did!”
-No I didn’t
-”Yes You Did!”
-screw you baldy, I’m outta here!
(insert sound of expensive camera being knocked to the ground by lady commentator)
please come to the Matt Ouimet Show This Friday night At Kaffe 1870 in Wakefield
sincerely, your hero,
Sidney Crosby
p.s. there isn’t an opener yet, ’cause i forgot to get one, but there will be, i swear….
Tags: Kaffe 1870, live music, Matt Ouimet, Wakefield
